I'm jealous of your bromance
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
