Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
