Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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