She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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