There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
