My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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