today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
