Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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