Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
