Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
