I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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