she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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