May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
