You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
