the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
