Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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