he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
