He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
