Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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