garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
