Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
