Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
