he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
