do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
