I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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