Me. At least after what I've been through.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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