I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
