YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
