Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
