I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
