No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
