I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
