So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
