I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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