The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Never joke about your clitoris.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
