update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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