I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
