I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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