my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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