The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
