I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
