so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
