so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
