i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
