Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
