How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
