would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
