I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
