Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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