so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
