quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
