I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
