He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
