True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
