Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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