Jerry, you need to find god
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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