you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
