Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
