well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
